A team with high emotional intelligence tends to perform better than one composed only of the smartest people in the company.
Say you're putting together a team to tackle a critical project for your business. How do you decide whom to assign to this essential work? Do you find the smartest people in the company and put them all on the problem? Or do you look for some other balance of skills and background? Entrepreneurs and other leaders struggle with this dilemma all the time. Helpfully, new research conducted by Harvard researchers and released by the National Bureau of Economic Research offers concrete guidance. EQ beats IQ for teamwork. The setup for the research was simple. The researchers recruited 255 volunteers and then evaluated them using standard tests of intelligence and personality before assigning them to work in groups to solve tricky problems. The research team then looked to see what traits among members predicted outstanding performance by the group. High IQ, it turns out, wasn't correlated with better outcomes. What was? As Sarah Todd highlighted on Quartz recently, the key variable that supercharged a group's performance was having members with particularly high emotional intelligence (EQ) as measured by a common psychological test that has subjects guess people's emotions from looking at their faces. Why did socially sensitive types boost performance more than big brains? The researchers found that those with high EQ were far better at keeping their teams on task and working efficiently. They also seem to motivate their team members to work more diligently when they're completing individual work. Studies agree: EQ is underrated. The bottom line here is pretty clear: When you're putting together a team, make sure you consider emotional skills as much if not more than intellectual ones. But while the takeaway is straightforward, it might meet resistance from some bosses more used to valuing the individual contributions of team members. If that's you, it could be helpful to know that this one study isn't an outlier. Google research found EQ matters more than IQ or technical competence for becoming a successful manager. Research out of Columbia suggests the ROI on working to improve your EQ is far higher than that for working to get smarter. And a Yale study showed those with high EQ make dramatically better decisions. So next time you've got a knotty problem to solve don't just look to the smartest people in the room. Instead, prioritize social skills when putting together your team and you're likely to see better results faster than if you just focus on IQ alone. This article first appeared on Inc. The opinions expressed here by bergenreview.com columnists are their own, not those of Bergen Review Media
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Lenape Trail Is A 2-And-A-Half Mile Hike In New Jersey That’s Accessible For People Of All Ages10/22/2021 Good news for the people of New Jersey because hiking is an incredibly fun activity that lets you get outside and enjoy the fresh air and beauty of nature. Of course, sometimes age or ability limits the hike options — or maybe you just aren’t in the mood for something strenuous. That’s where the Lenape Trail comes in. Lenape Trail is the perfect hike for people who are looking to really soak up the peace and quiet of nature. Located in Lenape Park, the trail is paved, wheelchair accessible, and only has a 62-foot incline. No huffing and puffing here. Parents, rejoice: You can easily take your stroller with you on this trail. People of all ages and abilities will enjoy the Lenape Trail hike. The out-and-back trail is a little over two and a half miles long and takes you through a pretty forest. There is a beautiful pond you walk past at one point. As you can see, there are plenty of birds here! You will definitely have the option to spot wildlife on this hike. Is that a little waterfall we spot? Our favorite hikes always feature some falling water, after all. It's just so pretty and peaceful out here. Take the time to really admire your surroundings in Lenape Park. One of the best parts is the trail is beautiful no matter what the weather. Thank the New Jersey seasons! You can truly access this trail all year round.
Oh, and when we said this trail was accessible for everyone — we also meant furry friends. Dogs are welcome to accompany you on the hike! Address: Lenape Park, 130 Kenilworth Blvd, Cranford, NJ 07016, USA by Kati Pereira from Positive Mindset
We spend our days online more and more each day, so it’s important to keep that space as simple and clutter-free as possible. Because digital clutter can provide a large distraction that can really hinder your productivity and happiness. Tips for Digital Minimalism: Your Computer
Step two: unsubscribe from newsletters you don’t read. Only follow the newsletters from bloggers or companies you’re truly passionate about. Step 3: organize messages into folders (and subfolders) to organize the emails you do need to keep.
Step 2: Organize documents into folders. Step 3: Organize programs for cloud storage like Dropbox or Google Drive.
Step 2: Organize into folders so you can easily find them. This can save you a lot of time in the long run. Your Phone
Step 2: Reorganize your apps in folders. Step 3: Turn off unnecessary notifications
Step 2: Clean out your follower’s list on every platform. Unfollow accounts you don’t enjoy anymore. Step 3: Unsubscribe from groups or pages that you don’t use. Step 4: Turn off unnecessary notifications.
Step 2: Select a meaningful wallpaper.
Here you have some simple tips to bring digital minimalism into your digital life! Hope you liked this post! I recently turned 24 years, and I decided to spend time reflecting on what I learned over the past years of my life. I don’t feel like 24 in my mind, and let me tell you, my life is not what I pictured it would be like when I was a kid.
Turning 24 just doesn’t feel like anything major, but I will have to say, looking back I do feel I’ve had a major shift in terms of my outlook on many things. So, I decided to reflect on 24 life lessons I’ve learned over these years. 1.✨Don’t compare your path with others You don’t have to do things the way others do. You are not them, and they are not you. You won’t get the same results they have because you have your own strengths, skills, and voice. You have your own journey. 2.✨Friends come and go You’ll lose friends and that’s okay. All the people that enter our life have a purpose, they teach us lessons and they leave when the lesson has been taught. Your true friends will stick around until the end. 3.✨You can’t please everyone Stop trying, it’s impossible! And very exhausting. So just do whatever feels right for you, you’ll become a lot happier. 4.✨Your thoughts become your reality If you think you can’t do something or you’re not good enough, you’ll be less likely to take action. Try to switch your mindset and think that you can achieve anything you want. 5.✨Get smart with your money Learn about investing and saving. Don’t spend your money on unnecessary things. Make yourself a budget. You never know when your financial situation can change. 6.✨ It’s okay to feel emotions There were days I felt depressed, anxious, and sad for no reason. And other days, I felt amazing, happy, and grateful. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. It’s okay to feel sad and it’s okay to feel happy. But learn when you’re ready to release those “bad” feelings. You can choose how you want to feel. 7.✨ Your mistakes don’t define you Learn from them, acknowledge them, then let them go and try again. 8. ✨Don’t be afraid to be yourself There is only one you. You’re unique and the worlds deserve to see your authentic you. 9. ✨We rise by lifting others If you help someone feel good, you feel good. Give, support, encourage, share, and love. This can really change the world. 10.✨ Focus on your breath on the hardest times In times of stress, overwhelm, anxiety, anger, or fear you can always come back to your breath to connect to yourself. The key is to notice and pay attention to when you need to take a step back. 11.✨Human connection is so important Make the most out of every interaction since you never know when things could change. Spend time with people you love and tell them what they mean to you. 12.✨ Change is necessary Growth doesn’t happen when you’re comfortable, remember that. Push past your safe space and take a chance. Grab all new opportunities! 13.✨Take care of your body and mental health Make time for yourself, drink your water, fill your body with the nutrients he needs, sleep, do things you love, dance, smile, speak up if you’re unhappy, change situations that affect your mental state negatively. Make sure you’re okay and if you’re not, ask for help. 14.✨It’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out yet I realized that we all have our own journeys and timelines. It’s okay if you are still figuring out what you want in life. And don’t compare your life to others, this only leads to frustration and self-doubt. Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen. 15.✨You are capable of more than you think For example, I’ve never imagined that I would be able to work for myself and turning what I do into a career. This proves that we are all capable of more than we think. 16.✨Everything happens for a reason Everything really happens for a reason, always. Even your darkest days. They come to teach you and to prove to you how strong and capable you are. 17.✨Time heals It may feel like things aren’t going to get better, but they always will in the end. 18.✨Communication is key Mostly on relationships. If you want a healthy and happy relationship you need to communicate with one another. 19.✨Be grateful Practice gratitude every day. Focus on the amazing things you do have rather than what you don’t. 20.✨Pain is almost inevitable Physical pain, emotional pain…Everyone is going to experience pain at some point in their lives. Don’t try to hide from pain, but don’t let it take over your life. 21.✨Be present Make sure you’re there in the moment when you’re with someone. When you’re on a walk or doing something you enjoy. Put your phone away and give them your full attention. 22.✨Pets make life so much better We don’t deserve animals. They are such a light in our lives. I personally love dogs. They love us unconditionally and they fill our homes with so much love and happiness! 23.✨Never forget to be kind You never know what someone else may be going through, so always be kind. 24.✨It is okay to ask for help Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help. Your loved ones will surely want to help you, you just have to ask. And if their support is not strong enough, look for a therapist. Just take care of yourself. Article by Kati Pereira How you approach life says a lot about who you are. To succeed in life, you must be in a constant state of adaptation — continually unlearning old ‘rules’, relearning new ones and doing more of what makes you come alive.
If you’re looking for ways to make extra money right now, you might have to get a little creative.
We’ve gathered some ideas for how to make money while maintaining social distancing at home, whether you needing to pay off bills, or just trying to save for the future. These methods probably won’t land you a windfall, but sometimes, every little bit counts. Resell your stuff Consumer-to-consumer e-commerce has been big since the advent of eBay, and there are plenty of people today who make their entire living being a reseller. eBay has seen a rise in popularity over the past few months, in fact. Take a look around your house; maybe you’ll find that you have some items that are in demand right now. (Just don’t become a price gouger if you happen to have a large supply of disinfecting wipes.) If you’re specifically interested in selling locally, which is often best for items like furniture, try Facebook Marketplace. If you want to sell clothes, you can use sites like Poshmark, ThredUP, or TheRealReal. Make something to sell on Etsy One small silver lining of quarantine has been exploring new hobbies to occupy your time spent at home. Whether you’ve been making art and crafts for a long time or have recently discovered your talent for it, now could be a great time to turn it into a small business. Whether it’s something you’ve knitted, a beautiful painting, a custom Nintendo Switch skin, or the cloth masks you’ve gotten good at sewing, Etsy is the place for selling one-of-a-kind handcrafted items. English tutoring Private tutoring can be competitive and require specialised skills, but online English tutoring can be a more approachable entry point. You’ll need to be a native English speaker and have a Bachelor’s degree (it usually doesn’t matter what your degree is in). You’ll also need a computer with a working webcam. Companies like VIPKid offer the option to flexibly schedule short classes and even gives you a curriculum to follow so you don’t have to come up with lesson plans. The company is based in Beijing, however, so you may have to keep any applicable time differences in mind when booking classes. Caption or transcribe A variety of companies hire freelancers to caption videos or transcribe audio. One of the biggest names in this field is Rev, but it’s unfortunately not hiring right now. There are plenty of services that pay people to transcribe, though, including TranscribeMe, and you can also find transcription jobs on UpWork. For those looking for some side income fast, transcription is a valid way to make money that doesn’t require an extra-special skill. User testing User testing is when companies pay people to test a site or app, soliciting thoughts on its usability and whether there are any bugs or errors. You need to have an internet connection, a working mic, and be able to elucidate your experience of the website/app clearly. There’s also usually an application process, and tests are especially competitive right now due to more people participating. You can find assignments through sites like UserTesting. Online surveys I know, I know. It sounds sketchy. You can just see the all-caps spam email subject lines or Craigslist posts: $$$ UNBELIEVABLE!!!!! GET PAID RIGHT NOW JUST ANSWER THESE SURVEY QUESTIONS!!!! WOW!!! $$$ There’s no shortage of paid online surveys that are shady; even if they actually do pay you, what you might really be selling is your personal data. But there are also paid surveys that are more legitimate. Prolific, for example, is a startup that only hosts surveys from academic researchers. If this is something you’re interested in trying, make sure you’re well-informed about which sites are trustworthy. Make Youtube videos or stream on Twitch This one might take a lot more effort than all of the above combined, but in an age of influencers, who hasn’t dreamed of making the kind of money that comes with an internet following? If earning some side income is going to be a long-term commitment and not just something to help pay your next bills, it might not be the worst idea to try a long-term investment. Making YouTube videos might take a fair amount of time but they can continue to rack in ad revenue, especially if you do a little research. If you’d prefer interacting with a live audience, try streaming platforms like Twitch, where people stream themselves playing games, creating art, cooking, discussing politics, or just chatting about everyday life. Look for gigs on freelance boards There are a lot of miscellaneous tasks or jobs that get posted on platforms like Fiverr or Upwork that are quick and easy to pick up when you need that extra money. Both sites cover vast categories of freelance work, so if you want to make extra money by doing something that has relevance to your career, sites like these are a good bet. Article by WHIZY KIM Here's the hard truth: Not all leg exercises are created equal. Whether your goal is to get gorgeous gams, build lower-body strength or increase your endurance as a runner, you don't want to waste your time or energy or risk a potential injury on ineffective, inefficient leg exercises.
Here , Geoff Tripp, CSCS, certified personal trainer and head of fitness at Trainiac, shares five ineffectual moves to cut from your leg day, plus what to do instead for a fitter, stronger, more powerful lower body. 1. Leg Extension Machine What the leg extension machine lacks is functionality, Tripp says. "There aren't many times in the day when we sit locked in a machine and extend our legs in an isolated fashion," he says. Conversely, we usually do complex movements that involve many muscles in our quads, hips and glutes. Think: lunging forward to pick something off the floor or climbing the stairs. That's why "performing multi-joint exercises for your lower body muscle needs is ideal," he says. Instead: A great replacement is a squat, Tripp says. The mother of all functional exercises, squats are compound movements that recruit many muscles, help you build strength for the physical demands of daily life and lower your risk of injury.
2. 45-Degree Leg Press" Another move that takes a functional movement pattern and locks you in place, the leg press is great for pushing a lot of weight but doesn't transfer into real life unless you are lying on your back and pressing cars all day," Tripp says. Plus, people have a habit of overloading the weight, which adds to the potential for injury. Instead: A fantastic functional exercise, goblet squats will work your lower body in a multi-joint way, plus the movement translates to everyday situations, he says. Anyone who's ever bent down to lift something off the floor will understand. And there's a bonus: you'll get a good ab workout too. A June 2013 study published in The Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that performing multi-joint moves like squats is a more effective way to train your core than abs-focused movements.
3. Lying Leg Curl Machine A machine like the lying leg curl only isolates a muscle at a specific joint and range of motion, Tripp says. That's why it's best incorporated as a tool for rehabbing a particular muscle — not for those looking to build muscle or improve their overall fitness. If you're not recovering from an injury, you should focus on functional, compound lower-body movements to target your posterior chain muscles (the ones that run along the back of your body). And to do that — and train your hamstrings and glutes effectively — Tripp says you need to be standing on two feet, not lying down on a machine. Instead: Deadlifts (and their many variations) are the best move for multi-joint, lower body posterior muscle recruitment, Tripp says. Doing deadlifts helps you develop the strength you need for everyday bending and balancing.
Tip Remember, it’s all in the hips. “If you feel your back working too much in your deadlifts, then you’re likely not hinging properly at your hips,” Tripp says. 4. Standing Calf Raise Machine Unless you're rehabilitating a strained calf muscle, there's no need to train your calves in isolation, Tripp says. "Again, isolated movements like these don't teach your body proper muscle recruitment," he says. Instead: To be efficient with your time and training, try incorporating more plyometric movements into your workout. Plyo moves like jump squats require extension of the ankle joint, which engages the calf muscles, Tripps says. That's why these exercises are great replacements for the standing or seated calf raise machine. Dynamic moves like squat jumps also get your heart pumping and recruit multiple muscles. "There's a lot of force at play, both at takeoff and at landing," he says. Plus, you can control the difficulty level of the exercise — the higher you jump, the harder it'll be.
5. Seated Thigh Machine (Adductor and Abductor) "This machine does a great job at isolating the muscles at the joint but does little to teach the body how to use the muscles in a practical way," says Tripp. "The adductor and abduction muscles are used to support the hips during multi-joint movements, so we want to try our best to work them in a functional position, i.e., standing." Instead: Tripp recommends the standing cable machine for abduction and adduction exercises. "Here we promote stability in a standing position as well as recruitment of these muscles and awareness of how they work to stabilize the hip," he says. Tip If you don't have access to a cable machine, you can substitute with a resistance loop. Move 1: Hip Abduction
Move 2: Hip Adduction
ReferencesThe Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research: “Systematic Review of Core Muscle Activity During Physical Fitness Exercises.” The opinions expressed here by Bergen Review Media columnists are their own, not those of Bergenreview.com. If you don't exercise regularly, consult a physician before trying any of these exercises Sometimes, we want a hike that takes up the whole day, one we can really meander on. But other times, we’re looking for a shorter hike so we can enjoy nature and still have much of the day left. Luckily, there are plenty of amazing hikes in New Jersey that are three miles and under — here are some of our favorites. 1. Torne Mountain and Osio Rock Loop from Otter Hole 2. Mountain Lakes Nature Preserve Trail 3. Lake Surprise Loop via W. R Tracy Drive 4. White Trail, East Shore Drive, and Foxcroft Road Loop 5. Mount Tammany via Red Dot Trail 6. Stairway to Heaven Trail 7. North Wildwood Seawall This article was posted in New Jersey Nature by Rebecca Dr Nikki Goldstein says “subwaying” is on the rise. But what the heck is it? When Tinder bae goes from noisily displacing your linen to quietly ignoring your calls it can be, to put it mildly, frustrating AF. Such is casual sex. However, while this behavior would have been condemned in a previous era, thanks to “subwaying” – the most annoying new trend to enter our dating-cabulary – people are now re-conceptualizing what’s rude and what isn’t. So, what exactly is “subwaying”? Essentially, “subwaying” is shutting down communication with someone you’ve been casually seeing, with no explanation. While this used to be a dating sin, as New York artist Samantha Rothenberg recently illustrated, the revolving-door nature of modern love has reached such a speed that it’s now weirder if you do offer an explanation for moving on than if you don’t. How did we get here? The obvious answer is technology: while people have always wanted to outsource the swinging of the (metaphorical) relationship axe, in the past this was seen as cowardly.
Now, not only is there a new conception of “polite”, but our silicon sidekicks have reduced our “friends with benefits” relationships to the point where they are essentially just meme-sharing agreements that are weirder to explicitly end than slowly forget about. Or so the “subwayers” would have you believe. But, as the comments on the above Instagram posts reveal, not everyone is convinced, and questions like, “When is it necessary to give a fling an epitaph?” as well as, “What makes a let-down text an ego-move?”, and, “Can you really get mad at someone for poorly navigating an issue you are confused about too?” remain unanswered. To that end, we hit up Dr Nikki Goldstein, a sexologist, relationship expert and host of the podcast Sex & Life, for some exclusive insights. Here’s what she had to say. Is “subwaying” on the rise? Yes: because we are dating at a faster pace. We have more choices and options and with that abundance of choices, we tend to quickly jump to the next thing if what we have isn’t 100% right. I’m not suggesting that’s a great idea, but many people are looking for perfection and feel they can find that if they keep moving on when things are not ideal. Why do people “subway” rather than communicate? One person might see it as a casual hook up or just catching up for drinks. The other person might think it’s an official date possibly leading somewhere. I think this is what actually leads some people to subway and ghost because they feel awkward ending something that might not have been there in the first place. We have also lost the art of working at things, exploring connections and working through our own issues that are brought up when dating [so] if it doesn’t feel right straight away, people are quick to move on. And with dwindling communication skills due to an increase in technology, we are often [loathe] to properly end a situation. Is a “let down” text an ego move?I don’t think so. I think this is what people are fearful of. [But] because so many of these dating scenarios don’t have labels and can’t be defined, it becomes complicated to tell someone you don’t think there is a future. At what point is it rude to disappear without a trace? Always: whether it’s one day or a few hook ups. Why? I think it doesn’t matter whether you have done it [subwayed] yourself in the past or whether someone is going through [some] stuff. It’s still annoying. We just might rationalize it and accept it more which makes it harder in a way. “It’s nearly like accepting being treated badly because it happens so often.” That still doesn’t make the action right. It’s like with ghosting. We have heard it spoken about so many times, it’s nearly normalized. Where we used to call someone rude, disrespectful (or some other words I probably shouldn’t write) we now have words that nearly make these acts seem normal. “It’s the downside to giving everything a trendy label.” And with that, we are off to bleach our keyboards, never to type the word “subwaying” ever again. By James Booth from Dmarge I Stopped Saying This Two-Word Phrase at Work Because It Annoyed My Boss—and You Should Too8/31/2021 There’s a (seemingly) harmless expression that, as it turns out, causes some people’s hair to stand on end, especially in the workplace. The offender: “No problem.”
I say it, you say it, we pretty much all say it—often on a daily basis and typically in place of now-synonymous responses like, “of course” when asked to do something, or “you’re welcome” when hit with a “thank-you.” No harm meant, right? Apparently it’s more complicated than that. My first time hearing about this blacklisted phrase came from my first boss at my first job. She mentioned in passing that getting “no problem” or "no worries" in reply to any request irked her to no end. Completely taken aback, I panicked—immediately. I'd never heard of this before, and I didn’t think there was a number high enough to count how many times I used “no problem” a day. I thought I was being pleasant, professional, and obliging! Now I worried I’d been rubbing important people the wrong way through various modes of communication—without even knowing it. Being an eager-to-please young professional, I listened to my manager like she was teaching me how to breathe. (I may have even written “stop saying ‘no problem’” in my notebook.) But while I tried to burn it into my brain, I still didn’t really get it. What’s so bad about saying “no problem” anyway? Her declaration seemed a little harsh, a little unforgiving—it’s just a colloquialism for “sure” or “you’re welcome.” Was her aversion to it a personal pet peeve, or was this a widely despised expression they didn’t teach me about at the college career center? I hated to think some well-meaning person was going around unwittingly disrespecting others by saying “no problem” instead of “you’re welcome.” (And I hated even more to think that person was me.) And then I started managing a direct report myself, and she hit me with a casual “no problem” on her first day. I wouldn’t exactly say I was annoyed, but something clicked, and my first boss’s firm stance on the matter started to make more sense. I couldn't quite put my finger on why, but there was something so casual in the way she said it that made me cock my head and wish she’d been a little less off-the-cuff with me on her first day. Was I actually incensed by her answer? Of course not, and she meant nothing by it. But I did finally come to understand the implications of this two-word phrase after being on the receiving end. Maybe it’s a generational thing, or perhaps it’s simply contextual, but tons of people (not just my boss!) can’t stand to hear “no problem” because they associate it with its literal meaning—and the implication that there is, was, or would actually be a problem. It makes perfect sense then for someone’s professional superior (or even a customer talking to customer service) to bristle at “no problem,” which might put them on the defensive, thinking: “I know it’s no problem. I’m not asking you for a favor, it is your pleasure and job to do this.” You’re self-conscious about using “no problem” now, aren’t you? If you think you’ve overused—or misused—this potentially offensive expression, swap it out for any number of easy, friendly responses (a few favorites: “you’re welcome,” “my pleasure,” “any time,” “absolutely,” “yes”—you get the idea). As a matter of habit, I now avoid saying it like the plague, just in case. But, for the record, I couldn’t care less when people say or write it to me. Seriously, it’s no problem. Article By Maggie Seaver You don’t need to adopt dozens of new, difficult behaviors of “successful people” — you just need a few. And if you make just a few key behavioral changes, you’ll build momentum and confidence that you can reinvest in yourself to master new and better behaviors. Success doesn’t happen all at once — it’s a slow, gradual process that rewards those who can consistently follow the path.
You also don’t need a lot of time to develop these initial world-class behaviors, either. A couple of weeks will do. We’re not trying to transform your entire life overnight, we’re getting you to identify and adopt just a few key behaviors that will create the momentum you can use to continue the process. Because there’s no end to success, no limit or cap — you can go as high as you want. But it starts with developing a few world-class behaviors. Focus on Learning and Creating, Not Entertainment and Distraction There’s a lot you’ll need to learn on this journey you’re on. When I was a no-name blogger with dreams of being a big-time writer, I foolishly thought all I needed to master was “writing.” Now that I am a successful writer, I’m amazed at how many new skills I’ve needed to learn, like website design, email marketing, webinars, sales pitches, public speaking, relationship building, online course creation, scheduling software, and countless more. That’s why your first world-class behavior to master is to simply focus on learning and creating, not entertainment or distraction. You can learn a lot very quickly if you choose. If you play guitar 3 times a week, you might take a year or two to get pretty good. But play guitar 3 times a day, and you could become very skilled in a matter of weeks. You can only find these shortcuts by intense learning and creating, making mistakes, building your abilities as well as your confidence. But as long as you continue to focus on entertainment and distraction, you’ll always be stuck in first gear, unable to start gaining enormous momentum to break through mental barriers that you might’ve been carrying around for years. It’s difficult to remove yourself entirely from these distractions. Major corporations have an entire department of professionals whose sole job is to make you pay attention to their products. With the enormous influence of technology, social media, smartphones, and advertisements, it can feel a bit like living in a casino, where every little detail is designed to keep you focused on spending your money. It’s on you to say no to these distractions. The most effective response I’ve ever found to the endless tempting distractions is simply to imagine what my life will be like when I finally complete this journey — traveling the world, making more money than ever before, 100% in charge of my time and attention. That sounds much more appealing than watching another silly video online when I should be working. Ask Yourself Direct Questions That Force You To Gain Enormous Clarity One of the most common responses I get from my readers about all this is: I don’t know where to start! Getting clarity on your most important goals isn’t easy. You might be afraid you’ll choose the wrong thing, and become paralyzed by analysis. Maybe you’ve never known what you want to do, and have been stumbling into whatever job, relationship, or situation seemed the most convenient at the time. You need to ask yourself some direct, blunt questions about your life. I read a terrific article by Zak Slayback about gaining enormous clarity on these important things that I bookmarked and go back to sometimes. It’s a 20-minute writing exercise you can do today that will provide crystal-clear clarity on your most important goals. Here are the questions: Here are the questions: 1. I feel most unhappy when I… 2. I dread … 3. I am good at but do not particularly enjoy… 4. I cannot imagine doing … every day for the rest of my life. 5. I don’t understand why anybody would… 6. … does not appeal to me. Here are some of my answers that might help you with yours: 1. I feel most unhappy when I…
You actually don’t get to choose whether you need to sacrifice or not — you do. We all must sacrifice something. But you do get to choose what to sacrifice. This choice will affect the rest of your life. There was this funny-because-it’s-true joke in college that went like this: “Sleep, good grades, friends: you only get 2.” You had to sacrifice something. Everyone must sacrifice something. Make sure what you sacrifice isn’t costing you dearly. Sadly, most people are sacrificing the wrong thing — their potential, their relationships, their well-being, even their future. Instead of letting go of negative, toxic relationships, people cling to them. Instead of striving nobly to achieve an extraordinary career, people settle for their comfortable, mediocre jobs. You must sacrifice something — make sure you choose wisely. Years ago, I was working in one of the worst jobs I’d ever had — telemarketing. My boss was near-comic-book-villain level bad. I saw countless coworkers fired for not hitting sales quotas. I wanted out. But I had been complaining for months about it, calling friends and family to vent my frustrations. I wasn’t doing much about it. Finally, I mentioned my poor, sad situation to a friend of a friend — someone who didn’t really know me, and had the ability to be extremely blunt with me. He didn’t hold back on his feedback. “Look — it’s time to stop complaining. You need to get a new job, now. Cancel social obligations, stay in on the weekends, wake up early, whatever. But find a new job.” It stunned me. At first, I was angry and defensive. How can he say that! He doesn’t know me! He doesn’t know how hard this has been for me! He was inviting me to sacrifice something I didn’t want to let go of. Eventually, I saw his wisdom. I was sacrificing my happiness and emotional well-being working there — why not sacrifice some weekends and casual social hangouts for something that could change my entire career? So that’s what I did. I chose to stop hanging out with friends (for a time) while I busted my ass finding a new job. Within a few focused months of networking and meeting more people in different departments, I was offered a job that was infinitely better than telemarketing! It was higher-paying, I got to travel, help people, and most importantly, no more telemarketing calls! You must sacrifice something — that’s not up for debate. But you do get to choose what you sacrifice. In Conclusion Small choices have big results. Once you start making the right small choices, you’ll start seeing the results you actually want, and not the opposite. It’s time for you to start acting like people living a world-class life — in charge of their time, money, relationships, and choices. It starts with your behaviors. Once you consistently start making world-class choices — something you can start today — you’ll start seeing these behaviors grow into lasting characteristics of your life. You’ll become a disciplined, consistent, focused positive person with power and ability. For many people, the hardest part is just starting. Most people don’t know where to focus their time and energy, so they continue wasting time when they should’ve started long ago. Since most people have been making many foolish and unwise small choices, they’re see big, negative results in their life. Choose to adopt some new, world-class behaviors in life. They don’t have to be enormous — just big enough to start creating some momentum. Use that momentum. Reinvest in your life. Sacrifice the right things so you can achieve the life you want. Ready to Level-Up? If you want to become extraordinary and become 10x more effective than you were before, check out my checklist. Click here to get the checklist now! This article originally appeared on Medium. In the past, I've written that Steve Jobs used Zen mindfulness to train his brain, and that neuroscientists recently validated Jobs's theory about the business benefits of meditation. There was one thing, however, that Jobs didn't know, although he might have guessed it to be true. Meditation does more than just calm you down and make you a better manager. Meditation literally causes your brain to age backwards. Under normal circumstances, brains deteriorate as they age. According to Psychology Today: "Brain-scan technology reveals aging can cause the brain to shrink. Nerve tracts in the brain shrivel, making the cerebrospinal fluid cavities larger and even leaving gaping holes in the brain. Shriveling occurs in the neuron terminal branches that form the contact points among neurons. People may lose 40 percent or more of dopamine neurons causing Parkinson's disease." The deterioration of the brain has many symptoms. Reflexes become slower. Memory starts to fail. It becomes harder to learn new things. Thinking becomes brittle. Mental stamina declines.
These symptoms become measurable as early as age 45, at which point most people have already experienced a 3-4 percent decline in mental agility, and it's all downhill from there. By age 60, the changes are usually obvious; by age 70 they're often debilitating. Studies have shown that eating well, exercising, and learning new things can ameliorate these difficult symptoms. However, it appears that even when you manage your symptoms, your brain continues deteriorate. There is, however, apparently at least one way to not just stop the deterioration process but to put it in reverse. A study conducted at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School found that meditating for 30 minutes each day for eight weeks:
Meditation is so effective at repairing damage that it make your brain as much as 25 years younger than your chronological age, and in some cases potentially even younger than that. Since Steve Jobs was a regular meditator, when he died at 56 of pancreatic cancer, his brain would have been as healthy, active, and creative as when he was much younger. This shows in the quality of his work, which continued to be superlative right up to his untimely end. If you could only tie that special someone to a chair and force them to listen. Or make them read that one thing that would finally change their stubborn mind. They’d finally see the light but that’s never going to happen. And even if that whole “it’s illegal to kidnap and restrain people” part wasn’t an issue, truth is, it wouldn’t work. There are no guarantees when it comes to changing people’s minds. So what does work most often? Back in the 1970s, Portland State University psychology professor Dr. Frank Wesley, looked into why some US prisoners of war defected to North Korea during the Korean War. And it wasn’t because they were tortured. It was because they were shown kindness. From How to Have Impossible Conversations: His research showed that virtually all of the defectors came from a single US training camp. As part of their training, they had been taught that the North Koreans were cruel, heartless barbarians who despised the United States and single-mindedly sought its destruction. But when those POWs were shown kindness by their captors, their initial indoctrination unraveled. They became far more likely to defect than those POWs who either hadn’t been told anything about the North Koreans or had been given more neutral accounts of them. Unexpected kindness, not restraints, changed minds. But having a reasonable discussion these days seems impossible. The world is so increasingly polarized that “no furniture being broken” passes for a civil conversation. Everyone is so sure they’re right that they end up doing everything wrong. We need more discussions where no one is demonized, shamed and both sides are open to changing their mind. Not only is it more pleasant, but that harsh stuff doesn’t actually work. It just makes enemies more vicious. Yes, some topics will always be controversial and things won’t always go smoothly, but they don’t have to go badly. Now it would be great if someone had taken the time to pull all the insights from peer-reviewed research, professional negotiations, cult exiting and applied epistemology into one book… Oh wait, someone has. Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay have written an excellent book titled How to Have Impossible Conversations. It would definitely make my “Best of 2019” list, right behind David Epstein’s Range. Frankly, this book taught me a great deal about the errors I personally make while verbally beating the hell out of people kindly sharing information. It’s short but packed with useful information and fresh ideas. First we’re gonna quickly cover a lot of fundamentals so we can get to the cool new toys. This first section is gonna be a bit of lightning round. Some of it may sound obvious but if you neglect it, none of the subsequent ideas will work. Let’s get to it… Be A Partner, Not An Adversary Most of us go into a conversation with an unconscious “war metaphor” in our heads: someone wins and someone loses. Zero sum. But that rarely convinces anyone of anything. We need to shift our goal from winning to understanding. How does that lead to people changing their minds? To quickly summarize the grand strategy here: Be nice and respectful. Listen. Understand. Instill doubt. You need rapport. That’s just a fancy way of saying “be nice.” Be respectful. If you’re not nice, all the evidence in the world won’t help you. Find common ground. Don’t call the other person out except for the most extreme infractions. And always give people the opportunity to be wrong safely and with respect. Saying “I told you so” or shaming someone is a “take no prisoners” attitude. And what do people do when they think you “take no prisoners”? They don’t surrender – they fight to the death. You can’t control their behavior, only yours. Just because they behave badly doesn’t mean you doing the same will make this any better. Model the behavior you’d like to see in them. It’s often contagious — and even if it’s not, your behavior getting worse is certainly not going to help. Focus on listening. And make sure they know you’re listening. You can say a simple “I hear you” to acknowledge their words without necessarily agreeing with them. Make “How in the world could anyone believe that?” a question you ask yourself curiously, not a rhetorical question you ask yourself while shaking your head. And a big, big issue these days is intentions. Research shows you probably assume theirs are far worse than they really are. Exceedingly few people’s primary goal is hurting others. People may have bad evidence, poor reasoning or different (but still noble) values, but they’re rarely evil. You know what it feels like when someone assumes you’re a horrible person or incorrigibly stupid. You instantly dislike them and they have a zero-point-zero chance of changing your mind. Help others see your side and by the same token, do your best to see where they’re coming from. Remember: you could both be wrong. It’s okay to end a conversation. Things really go south when you forget this is an option. Don’t lose a friendship. And the single most effective way to have productive arguments on Twitter or Facebook is by not having arguments on Twitter or Facebook. Remember, changing positions on deeply held values can take time. It rarely happens with a sudden “Eureka!” moment. Even if you do everything right, most likely you’re not going to convince them… They’re going to slowly convince themselves. (To learn more about how you can lead a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.) Okay, our EpiPen infusion of the basics is complete. First steps, how do we send in the shock troops… Whoops. That’s a war metaphor. Bad. Okay, how do we send in the Wal-Mart greeters? 1) Use Rapoport’s Rules “You don’t get it.” The most common munition used early on in war metaphor conversations. How much better would your conversations go if you could take that issue off the table, all the while building rapport and showing the other side you’re intellectually honest and fair? So, early on, after they initially throw a bunch of their reasoning at you, don’t throw your position back at them. Instead, respond by following Rapoport’s Rules From How to Have Impossible Conversations: 1. Attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.” 2. List any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement). 3. Mention anything you have learned from your target. 4. And only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism. How much more positively would you respond if someone did that? In this era of hostile polarization I fear I would immediately and uncontrollably hug them. (To learn the two-word morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.) Ah, so now it must be time to do like this blog always does and hit them with unquestionable facts and data beyond reproach to show them the error of their ways! Ummmmmm, sadly, no… 2) Facts Are The Enemy People aren’t just going to hear your facts and suddenly have a “Road to Damascus” moment. Merely delivering info rarely changes minds. That’s for courtroom dramas. You don’t hear one statistic and suddenly flip sides and neither will they. In fact, quite the opposite: facts are like punches – they usually cause the other side to put their hands up and block whatever you send their way next. Again: you don’t convince people. People convince themselves. Studies done as far back as the 1940’s by Kurt Lewin showed that lectures about why people should change their behavior were effective a measly 3% of the time. But when people self-generated reasons for the same activity, behavior change occurred 37% of the time. People reject ideas they are given and act on ideas they feel they came up with themselves. Yes, longtime readers, this is very ironic coming from a blog that prides itself on presenting convincing facts and statistics. Hold on a sec, the tears are making it hard for me to see the screen… (To learn how to deal with passive-aggressive people, click here.) Don’t deliver facts. The more effective strategy is to instill doubt and let them convince themselves. But how do we start doing that? 3) Use The “Unread Library Effect” How does your phone work? Yeah, I know it has to do with computers and radio waves — but how do computers and radio waves work? Unless you have a degree in electrical engineering there’s only one honest, bedrock answer here: You don’t know. You don’t really know how the vast majority of stuff works. (Please explain “electricity” to me. The closest any of us can get is “the magic zappy stuff that makes things go.”) It’s like the knowledge we have is a bunch of borrowed books from a trustworthy library — books we never bothered to read. We’re all a lot more certain about most of what we know than we have any right to be. That means how we know what we know and why we believe what we believe are actually far more fragile than we think and instill far more doubt than debating the accuracy of the facts themselves. Leveraging the unread library effect means you encourage the other person to talk and by politely asking them questions, allow them to see their own ignorance. Instead of you battering them with facts, they lead themselves into doubt. Socrates would be proud. At the very least it often serves to moderate extreme beliefs because it’s humbling to realize you can’t really explain what your beliefs are based on. And it reduces hostility because you don’t have to throw those backfiring facts at them; you just ask sincere questions. From How to Have Impossible Conversations: Explicitly invite explanations, ask for specifics, follow up with pointed questions that revolve around soliciting how someone knows the details, and continue to openly admit your own ignorance. In many conversations, the more ignorance you admit, the more readily your partner in the conversation will step in with an explanation to help you understand. And the more they attempt to explain, the more likely they are to realize the limits of their own knowledge… this strategy not only helps moderate strong views, it models openness, willingness to admit ignorance, and readiness to revise beliefs. For example, partisans on both sides of the aisle support many government policies they barely understand. Has this policy actually been shown to work before? What are viable alternatives? How much would it cost? What are the potential downsides? How would it be rolled out? Most people go on instinct, not evidence, but this rarely stops them from being shrill and strident. (To learn the 4 harsh truths that will make you a better person, click here.) The unread library effect can help people moderate their views but in the current conversational war zone extreme statements are all too common. People take positions that are so far off the wall that it’s a herculean task to find any sort of common ground. And this turns things into an endless back and forth of “yes, it is” / “no, it isn’t.” How do you bring extreme positions down to earth? 4) Use Scales Use numerical scales to draw comparisons and bring people back to reality. THEM: “Our government is tyrannical!” YOU: “If Stalin’s Russia was a 9 out of 10 in governmental tyranny, where’s our country right now?” If the other person at least falls into the category of “borderline sane and may go on to live a semi-normal life” they will back off a bit and gain some perspective. This doesn’t mean they’re necessarily wrong — but you’re providing context that will better ground extreme beliefs. You can also leverage scales to learn their pre-existing doubts, which you can later add fuel to. YOU: “On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being no confidence and 10 being absolute confidence, how confident are you that belief is true?” THEM: “I’m at an 8.” YOU: “Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you say 9?” Now they’ll start making a case against their own beliefs, a case that they find at least somewhat compelling. Smile. They’re handing you a treasure map. (To learn the 3 secrets neuroscience says will make you more emotionally intelligent, click here.) Okay, now we’re cooking. But what’s the single most powerful method for getting people to give the other side an honest and fair look? 5) Use Disconfirmation That means asking them a variation on: “Under what conditions could your belief be false?” Reasonable, intellectually honest people (all two of them left on this planet) will concede that they could be wrong and will respond with a solid hint as to what angle might convince them. Ask questions to clarify specific conditions under which they might reconsider their stance: “So if the results of that study you’re referencing couldn’t be replicated you’d be open to changing your mind?” But, of course, not everybody is going to play fair. They can reply, “Absolutely nothing would convince me I’m wrong!” But now they’re saying their position is Immutable Truth™, which, for the vast majority of issues, is like saying, “I hereby publicly admit to being an obsessed zealot.” So, to qualify for a Sanity Membership Card, many will respond with something, but something that is wildly implausible: “If you can bring PERSON A back from the dead to say he was wrong about B, then I’d stop believing. How about that?!” This is frustrating – but it’s also a tacit admission that they know the evidence doesn’t justify their beliefs. They’re basically admitting to being insincere. If you want to keep pursuing the point, you can address the issue of why the bar is so uniquely high for this topic and ask a question regarding a more reasonable challenge: “I’m having trouble understanding. Do you use that reasoning process for anything else, or just X? Why do you think your standard for disconfirmation for this is so much higher than for other things? I’m wondering why some simpler issue, like why after all this time a dead Bigfoot has never been found, isn’t good enough to cast some doubt on your belief in Sasquatch?” (To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, click here.) If you’ve done a good job with rapport, the above methods will get you pretty far with most people – but it’s no guarantee. Some will just staunchly say that nothing will change their minds. Others, no matter how polite or diplomatic you are, will claim to be morally offended by a question (“You’re a heretic/bigot/anarchist!”) allowing them to relieve the cognitive dissonance by changing the subject. What do you do when you’re dealing with the most extreme extremists? 6) Serious Beliefs Are About Values And Identity If you thought facts were useless before, they’re doubly useless here. The most stubbornly held beliefs often have nothing to do with the truth. They don’t even know which subway stop the truth is on. They’re all about values and identity. And you know what neuroscience research says happens in people’s brains when you challenge their identity beliefs? One interpretation of these activations in the context of our study is that these structures are signaling threats to deeply held beliefs in the same way they might signal threats to physical safety. As far as his brain is concerned, you might as well be brandishing an axe when you question Uncle Fred’s politics at the holiday dinner table. Tread lightly.
If you keep your rapport game strong and have enough patience to fill an Amazon warehouse, it is possible to continue such a conversation. How? With the values version of the Unread Library Effect. People have very strong feelings about moral issues but they’re usually only vaguely aware of the process that got them there. So change the subject from the accuracy of their beliefs to how they know their beliefs are true and how their beliefs contribute to their sense of personal identity. Don’t dispute whether Bigfoot is real; question how they know Bigfoot is real: “These beliefs seem really important to you. What are you basing them on?” Induce doubt by addressing whether their reasoning process is in line with their conclusions: “Would every reasonable person draw the same conclusion?” If they say yes: “I’m a sincere, reasonable person and I’m having trouble drawing the same conclusion. How do I get there?” Use disconfirmation questions related to morality and their vision of a good person: “Would you be a good person if you didn’t hold this belief? Who are some examples of people who don’t hold that belief who are good people?” This is not a killshot. Again, a “Eureka!” moment is unrealistic. You can (nicely) expose contradictions in their reasoning and (diplomatically) loosen the connection between their big picture values (which you may agree with) and their specific beliefs (which you most certainly don’t). But how they reconcile it all is, in the end, up to them. That said, executed properly, this angle will get you a lot farther than endless shouting and the declaration of blood feuds. You may notice a shift in their perspective over time. And if you provoke curiosity on their part about alternate perspectives, that’s a very good sign… (To learn an FBI behavior expert’s tips for getting people to like you, click here.) Okay, time to round it all up — and learn the final thing you should definitely do when nothing else works… Sum Up This is how to change people’s minds:
If absolutely nothing else works, they might just be a totally unreachable zealot. Or it could be that… You’re the zealot. And if you are unwilling to give any serious consideration to this possibility, that’s a big red flag. Nobody thinks they’re the problem – and that’s the problem. After all, you’re the one reading articles about how to change people’s minds, aren’t you? (Yes, I plead guilty to being an accomplice.) It’s just a possibility to consider, but if you’re serious about having fewer arguments to the death, it’s a good idea to make sure you’re really a victim and not Patient Zero. So what do you do if you think you might be Typhoid Mary? Consider the beliefs you usually argue about. Now ask yourself disconfirmation questions. Write down the answers. Show them to a friend who has a different perspective than you on the topic. Does your pal feel those responses pass the implausibility sniff test? If you have zero friends with different perspectives, um, that’s not a good sign. And if you tend to consider anyone with opposite views to be a morally repugnant subhuman pig-man, well, I think you have the answer as to whether you’re an ideologue. Changing other people’s minds is extremely hard; changing your own can be even harder. But if you’re up the task, it’s far, far more rewarding. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 10 on that one. By Eric Baker. This article first appeared on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.
To earn a Masters degree in Business Administration, you have to take many classes with highly esteemed professors who lecture you on problem-solving, management skills, hard work, and more. But thanks to the internet, you can watch highly esteemed professionals lecturing you on those same topics for much, much less money. Sure, it’s not a real MBA, but it’s a good place to start.
Lean back, open up your laptop, and put on your listening ears: we’ve outlined the eight best TED Talks to improve your business skills. But if you’re seriously considering getting your MBA, you should probably also do that, too.
1. Grit: Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Lee Duckworth
Duckworth coined the term “grit,” which constitutes a dedication to hard work and a commitment to achieving success with passion and perseverance — a quality she believes to be more important than IQ when determining one’s future success.
2. How Great Leaders Inspire Action by Simon Sinek
An expert on leadership, Sinek discusses the “Golden Circle” and its importance in the approach of great leaders of the past. Sinek discusses Martin Luther King, Jr. (as well as others) and describes what makes one a good leader: it’s not how you do what you do, but why you choose to do it.
3. Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are by Amy Cuddy
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy discusses “power posing,” or standing in a way that exudes confidence through one’s body language. She describes how power posing can make you feel confident even when you were not feeling confident to begin with — and how it can increase your chances of professional success
4. Why We Have Too Few Women Leaders by Sheryl Sandberg
Sandberg, the COO of Facebook, discusses gender inequality at the executive level and offers advice on how women can achieve equality in the workplace. Sandberg tells women to treat themselves fairly, to be real partners to their husbands or wives, and to continue to persevere rather than quit.
5. The Puzzle of Motivation by Dan Pink
Pink is a career analyst who will change your way of thinking when it comes to motivation. Social scientists are telling us that traditional rewards systems in companies are not effective, but managers are not listening. Listen as Pink attempts to end things-based motivation.
6. The Happy Secret to Better Work by Shawn Anchor
Psychologist Shawn Anchor argues against the belief that we need to work hard in order to be happy. Instead, he suggests we need to first be happy in order to work hard. He argues that happiness allows us to be more productive, and in turn, more successful.
7. The Power of Believing that You Can Improve by Carol Dweck
Dweck, an author and professor of psychology, discusses “growth mindset” — the idea that our brains can grow and learn to solve problems. Dweck wants others to focus not on the belief that they may not be smart enough to solve a problem. Instead, they should consider that they just haven’t found a way to solve it… yet.
8. 8 Secrets of Success by Richard St. John
This short-but-sweet TED Talk by St. John details his research on successful people like Bill Gates and Goldie Hawn. Were they simply smart? Did they just get lucky? St. John says neither. His eight secrets include passion, focus, persistence and more.
A version of this post previously appeared on Fairygodboss, the largest career community that helps women get the inside scoop on pay, corporate culture, benefits, and work flexibility. Founded in 2015, Fairygodboss offers company ratings, job listings, discussion boards, and career advice.
By Benjamin Hardy, PhD -- Real leadership is rare. It takes courage and trust. It means you don't try to control everything. Learn this and you'll have INSANE freedom and success. How do we live a more meaningful life? Answering this abstract life question in a tangible, actionable way can be tough. But Yale professor Laurie Santos aimed to do just that, and in the spring of 2018, she unwittingly launched "Psychology and the Good Life," the most popular class in Yale's 319-year history. Eventually, one in four Yale students were reportedly enrolled, with the university even pulling fellows from the School of Public Health and its Law School to help staff it. Santos designed the course to bust myths about what makes us happy (like the luxury Mercedes-Benz status symbol) and replace them with research-backed habits for building a happy life. In doing this, Santos gave students what many of us never stop craving: direction towards a more fulfilled life, and the reassurance that our path towards happiness won't lead us astray. Yale's campus was primed for Santos' course. "Psychology and the Good Life" debuted in the US — home to supposedly only the 18th-happiest population in the world, according to the 2020 World Happiness Report — and at one of the nation's most high-pressure colleges. Given its popularity, it was soon clear that this course could be relevant to those outside an Ivy League campus. To increase accessibility to the materials, Santos created a free online version of the same principles: "The Science of Well-Being." And in 2020, the world was primed for it. During the isolation brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic, a whopping 2.2 million people enrolled in the course online. You can take the course for $0 here, which takes an estimated 10 weeks (19 hours total) to complete. Or, keep reading for an overview of what to expect and a firsthand review of the online course. What to expect from the class: The course intentionally feels warm, casual, and inviting. It was shot in Santos' home with a handful of students. Mara Leighton/Business Insider The format:
Each section includes video lectures, optional readings, and "rewirement" activities to do each day to build happier habits. Research suggests that if you do these rewirements as prescribed, you should get a boost in your mood and overall well-being. After completing the five weeks above, students should commit to practicing one rewirement exercise for at least a month. What the course is like:To make the class warm and inviting, the lectures are shot in Santos' own home, with a handful of Yale students in the audience. It feels intimate, and Santos's tone is friendly and conversational. And, because some of the most contemporary research was conceptualized and coined by Santos herself, it feels like what it is: a great, in-depth exploration of the topic with an expert. Thankfully, for the busiest among us (who ironically may benefit the most from this course), there's absolutely no required reading or grade penalty for a missed assignment deadline — so you don't need to stress about suggested deadlines if you can't meet them. All the information you need to know is summarized within the lecture. If you want to dive deeper, Santos provides links to complementary readings. In other words, this class is about well-being — and it aims to practice what it preaches. You can sign up here for free, or keep reading to learn about my experience. Weekly "rewirement" activities help build habits that make us scientifically happier: savoring, practicing gratitude, meditating, and acts of kindness among them. Mara Leighton/Business Insider
I should disclose that I enjoy online classes. In the character-strengths test that you're invited to take at the course's outset, "curiosity" was my most dominant trait out of the 20 possibilities. But despite being a candidate of least resistance, I was surprised by how much I enjoyed a few weeks in the course. It felt immediately and concretely useful — most of the class legwork is completing daily "rewiring" tasks designed to build those research-backed happiness habits into your life even after the course ends. Here's what I liked:
The only thing to note is that, while you can take the class at your own pace, you're encouraged to implement the rewiring techniques on a weekly schedule. Research finds that improving your well-being takes daily, intentional effort over long periods — meaning this 10-week class is a great opportunity. In a follow-up interview that I conducted with Professor Santos to discuss happiness in quarantine, this point — the importance of building these habits every day — remained paramount. Should you get a certificate? What does it include? Maybe, but most likely not. You'll have access to all the course materials and forums for this class without paying. But, if you want a certificate of completion or graded homework assignments, you can pay $49. You can also always upgrade any time during the course or afterward, so it's probably worth it to test it out for free before committing to payment. If you can't afford the $49, apply for the course's financial aid. Click on the "financial aid" link beneath the "enroll" button on the left. You'll be prompted to complete an application and will be notified if you're approved; applications take at least 15 days to be reviewed. Coursera The Science of Well-Being One of Yale's most popular classes ever (and a Business Insider favorite), this class debunks some of the most common myths about happiness and teaches you how to authentically improve your well-being. By Benjamin Hardy PhD - Life is harder now because our world is designed to distract us. Our world is more confusing than ever. This is no secret. Depression and anxiety rates are skyrocketing. Addiction is an epidemic. Obesity continues to rise in America. General unhappiness, numbness, and dissatisfaction are basically the expected norm. If your life isn’t moving in the direction you want it to go, or if you feel overwhelmed by everything on your plate, then this article is for you. You can apply the methods in this article and see immediate results. If you begin to develop a practice to apply the methods in this article, then you will learn how to achieve any goal you set. Gratitude is the mother of virtues. You’ve heard that a thousand times. But what does it actually mean to be grateful? Clearly, it isn’t writing down a list of what you’re grateful for once per year on Thanksgiving. And even though that is a helpful exercise, there’s a lot more to it, although it isn’t complicated. Gratitude Transforms 3 Things Fundamentally, gratitude is intended to change three things:
Every morning, you have the opportunity to trigger a mental and emotional state that sustains throughout the whole day. If you start your day right, you’ll be shocked at the momentum you can create. Even more though, if you give yourself some space — I’m talking 5–30 minutes — of strategic gratitude and visualization, then you literally prime your brain to operate at a higher level throughout the day. So here’s how to apply the three methods of gratitude: Transform Your Past Dan Sullivan, the founder of Strategic Coach, has a very important concept he teaches entrepreneurs: he calls it “The Gap and the Gain.” Most people are living in “The Gap.” They always see what’s missing. For example, I could get my son a candy bar on my way home from work and when I give it to him, he might say, “You didn’t get the one I like.” That’s the gap. My son didn’t notice or appreciate the fact that I went out of my way to get him a gift. He only noticed that the thing wasn’t what it could have been. He didn’t realize that he just gained something. He only saw the gap. Most people live their entire lives in the gap. Dan teaches his entrepreneurs instead to live in the gain. This is actually quite simple: rather than measuring yourself against your ideals, you measure yourself against where you were before. This is very effective for goal setting. Most people don’t like goals because being ambitious is emotionally taxing. It hurts to fail and it’s a let down to succeed. But these emotional problems come from focusing on the wrong thing. People get emotionally attached to outcomes when they’re living in the gap. When you live in the gain, all you see is progress. What you focus on expands. When all you see is progress, your brain comes to expect it more and more. You get progress without being attached to specific outcomes, even though those outcomes come with increased velocity. Every day, you could measure the gain. You could look back at the end of your day and think to yourself: What were my three greatest wins for the day? Former Stanford business professor and university president, Henry Eyring, had a practice of asking himself every night: “How did I see God’s hand in my life today?” Eyring would then spend a few minutes meditating on his day, and he would realize the several instances he experienced miracles or blessings — big or small. He would then record those in his journal. Now, as much as “measuring” the gain is key, you also want to remember the gain. Most people, when they look back on their past, often remember the gaps. They remember where things didn’t go as well as they could have. They think about how their parents didn’t show up as much as they could. It’s very easy in relationships to be in the gap — where all you see is where the other person isn’t up to par. That’s a horrible way to be in a relationship. It’s also not fair to the other person. Being in the gap forces your brain to think that things cannot change. It’s is how you develop a negatively fixed mindset. So one of the key strategies of gratitude to apply is reshaping your memory of the past. Yes, you heard that correctly. Your past is not objective. Rather, your past is entirely subjective. It’s a meaning. Good or bad. Happy or sad. You are the person who ascribes meaning to your experiences. You are the one ascribing meaning and context to your past experiences. It’s highly likely that a great deal of your “past” is in the gap. Gratitude allows you to re-remember your past while being entirely focused on the gain. When you re-contextualize your past, you’ll never be the victim to your past again. Most people, when they describe their current circumstances, point to their past. “I’m the way I am because of [name the experience].” Your past does not need to be something you are the victim to. Instead, your past can be something continually inspiring you and propelling you forward. If you truly want to embody and experience the benefits of gratitude, then you must stop trying to be “objective” about this. You cannot say, “But you don’t understand, my past really is unique and it was horrible.” I’m not trying to downplay what happened to you. Nor am I trying to ignore the emotional impact of your previous experiences. What I’m showing you is that, quite literally, you are the designer of your past. You get to decide the narrative and perspective and context. For example, last year, I launched my first major book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. From outside perspectives, the book was likely a huge success. But for me, it was a huge failure! I had specific goals and expectations that weren’t met. I had invested huge amounts of time and money and didn’t succeed at the level I wanted. For a long time, my story around that book launch was that it was a failure. Because of that story in my head, my memory of that experience was in the gap. I wasn’t seeing all the brilliant things that came out of that experience. And the truth is, insane amounts of opportunity, learning, and growth came out of that experience. So, I’m choosing to remember the gain, not the gap. I’m choosing how I remember that experience. And as a result, I’m choosing my narrative and my past. Your past is whatever you ascribe meaning to. You can remember the gains, or you can remember the pain. Post-traumatic growth is the opposite of PTSD. You could have any negative experience imaginable and become better from it. This may take time, but if you are conscious about your emotions and conscious about your future, then you can turn anynegative experience into a lot of gain. Your painful experiences become the doorway to growth and experience, as well as service to others dealing with similar problems. Your biggest failures and problems can be — if you let them — your greatest drivers of success, learning, and joy. But you need to choose how you see and how you remember them. It’s entirely up to you. You can remember the gain or the gap. How you choose to remember determines your past. Transform Your Present Circumstances “Focus on circumstances and you’ll be a consumer. Focus on capacity and you’ll be a creator.” — Kade Janes Very rarely are you going to be in ideal circumstances. There will always be friction and challenges to living your dreams. There will always be inconveniences. The problem isn’t actually your circumstances, but how you’re looking at them. Perfect circumstances are not actually ideal. If you look at nature — plants and animals that thrive do so because of difficult circumstances. As the poem by Douglas Mallach states: “Good timber does not grow with ease: The stronger wind, the stronger trees; The further sky, the greater length; The more the storm, the more the strength. By sun and cold, by rain and snow, In trees and men good timbers grow.” You don’t want perfect circumstances. You want and need a challenge to grow. But circumstances in general, particularly your current circumstances, need to be reframed. If you’re going to pay any attention to your circumstances, you should consciously focus on the good in them. Have gratitude for the amazing people in your life, for the opportunities you currently have, and for the chance to live on this beautiful planet. If you’re reading this article, then you have access to resources that would blow the minds of most of human history. So, as challenging and limiting as your current circumstances are — you’re probably living in the gap. And when you live in the gap, it really doesn’t matter what you have, you won’t see it that way. You could be a billionaire, and if you’re in the gap, it will never be enough. So, part one of transforming the present is appreciating it. It’s not about your resources, but how resourceful you are. There are people with far less doing far more with what they have than you are. It’s not your circumstances, it’s you. But there’s actually a problem with focusing on circumstances at all — you’re actually far better off focusing on your capability. This is a powerful shift. If you focus on your circumstances, you’ll find plenty to complain about. But if you focus on your capability, then your only option is to get moving. Your capability is always above your circumstances. There is always something you can do to impact and change your life and move in the direction you want to go. Having gratitude for the opportunity to grow and move forward is how you change your present. You see all the beauty in what you currently have, and you recognize the amazing power you have to improve upon what you have. If you’re focused on your capability, then you’re more likely to put your energy into creating and moving forward. If you’re more focused on your circumstances, then you’re more likely to put your energy into consumption and avoidance. How much time are you spending consuming? How much time are you spending creating? If you’re consuming, then you’re likely living in the gap. You’re likely focused on your circumstances and what’s wrong or difficult about them. If you’re creating, then your focus isn’t on your present circumstances, but your future ones. You’re telling a story about your life and you’re the one creating it. This is a powerful way to live. Have gratitude for the present and gratitude for what you can do. This allows you to create powerfully. Transform Your Future, Right Here-And-Now You are the designer of your past memories, your present experience, and your future as well. Every morning, during your morning meditation and visualization session, you want to experience and fully embody gratitude for your future. Visualization is far more powerful when it is mental and emotional. The more emotional and embodied the visualization, the more you will believe and know that it is true. American novelist, Florence Shinn, has said, “Faith knows it has already received and acts accordingly.” Gratitude for your future bolsters your faith.
It allows you to know that you’ll succeed, long before you do. While most people are defined by experiences from their past, successful people are defined by experiences in their future. What experiences do you want to have? What events in your future do you want to see occur? Are you living your life, right now, as though those experiences were for sure going to happen? Are you living your life, right now, to consciously create those experiences? Do you have complete peace that your dreams will come true? If not, then you likely won’t succeed. Your negative emotional state will stop you from the very things you want. Your emotional state is fundamental to what you create in your life and future. If you’re at a place of acceptance, peace, and trust, then you’ll be able to navigate the challenges you’ll face toward your dreams. Every day, experience complete gratitude for the inevitable success of your future. Then, act the part, here and now. Conclusion You are the one creating your experience in life. You are the one who shapes the meaning of your past. You are the one who determines how well you’ll do, regardless of the circumstances you are in. As your past, your circumstances are subjective, not objective. Your circumstances are a “meaning” with which you decide what to do. Focus on your capacity, not your circumstances. When you focus on your capacity, you realize that you have the power to create your desired future, regardless of what you see in front of you. When you focus on capacity, you stop being bogged down by all of the friction and challenge in your current circumstances. Undoubtedly, your life is hard. It’s far from perfect. There are constraints stopping you from actively moving forward. But in large respect, those constraints are in your head. Focusing on the constraints only makes them larger in your mind. Focusing on what you can do about it, right now, is how you change those constraints. You can change your life, one day at a time. Every morning, you can experience huge amounts of gratitude for your past, your present, and your future. If you take a few minutes to really do this, then you’ll be shocked at how good you feel. You’ll be shocked at the hope and optimism you feel for your future. You’ll have a desire to reach out and connect with your loved ones, and tell them how grateful you are for them. When you begin operating from a place of true gratitude, you’ll immediately begin transforming your life and relationships. What are you waiting for? No more consuming. No more focusing on the problems in your life or your past. Instead, take ownership of your experience. Take ownership for your past and your narrative of that past. Take ownership of your current capacity. You have divine potential and unlimited capacity — but only if you focus your attention on what you can do, rather than what’s wrong. Have a beautiful day. Are you looking for something fun and new to do in New Jersey? Give rail biking a try! What exactly is rail biking? An exciting activity that involves riding pedal-powered machines along inactive railroad tracks You can find more information and book your rail bike adventure here. Reservations are recommended. During peak season, rides are available between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m., so this journey will work well with whatever vacation schedule you’re planning. They also offer rides on a reduced schedule in the spring and fall. You may even come across wintertime slots! Don’t miss out on the best new nature attraction in Cape May, New Jersey.
Address: 609 Lafayette St, Cape May, NJ 08204, USA This article originally appeared in "Only in your state" Most people are WAY more distracted than they think. Losing hours and hours every day. You can't beat a bad environment. You've got to change it.
You Will Never Look at Your Life in the Same Way Again BY Benjamin Hardy, PhD Can personal and professional success make you depressed? It actually can, depending on how you define it. As a clinical psychologist, I specialize in helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the success they want. A lot of clients come in to see me with definitions of the word that, frankly, aren’t working for them. The result? Perpetual disappointment, strained relationships, burnout, businesses that are not as profitable as they want, overwhelming stress and even depression.
What about you? Are your definitions of success causing you more pain and less prosperity? Here are five common ways people define success—definitions that, in reality, could be leading to significant distress: 1. Success means making more and more money. People often think, If I had millions of dollars, life would be great. That would be true success. In reality, when your primary motivator is money, you lose focus on what’s truly important to you. And having a sense of meaning and purpose is critical to your psychological well-being. There is a type of depression called existential depression that is caused by a lack of true passion and meaning in your life—focusing on money over meaning is a great way to feel empty and down. 2. Success means having a certain title. So often, I see people getting on what I call the Self-Worth Treadmill. They think, When I get to a director level, then I’ll be successful. Then once they achieve that title, they search for the next way to determine their self-worth: When I become an executive, then I will be successful. And if it’s not a title, it could be some other arbitrary criteria. Like being on a treadmill, you feel the need to keep going for the next step, never feeling fully satisfied for what you have accomplished. Once you achieve one goal, you are looking for the next thing. By continuing to define your success—and worth—by superficial external measures, you will fail to feel fully satisfied. And that can cause a plummet in your mood. 3. Success means that I put certain things on hold (like my relationships or my own health) in order to achieve it. If I had a dollar for every client who told me, “I will take care of that (relationships, health, stress) when things calm down,” I would be a rich woman. People often put their heart and soul into their work. In this day and age when the lines of professional and personal time are so blurred, I often find clients working excessive hours. They justify it saying that achieving success requires that they focus on their business. The result? Social isolation, lack of exercise, sleep deprivation and poor eating habits, all of which can contribute to depression. The real secret to success is to include time for yourself and your relationships. World-class athletes know the importance of intense training and intense rest. Apply that in your life—and it doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t have an hour to work out? Drop the all-or-nothing perfectionistic thinking. A walk around the block is better than perfect. 4. Success means not making a mistake. The fear of failure can be paralyzing for many. It can lead to working for hours on one small, insignificant detail. For others, it can cause procrastination and avoidance. In order to be successful, many believe, my work must be perfect. So they hold off on publishing that book, releasing a new product or giving a speech until it’s perfect. The result? Lack of productivity, as well as depression. In fact, perfectionism, which entails a view that your work (and you) are either perfect or a failure, is a strong predictor of depression. In reality, success is often fueled by “failures” if you use them as learning opportunities. 5. Success means being entitled to special privileges, experiences and services. Entitlement, or thinking you deserve something just because of who you are, is a surefire way to feel miserable. Think of the celebrity divas (male and female) who are in the news for yelling at a flight attendant for doing their job or throwing a tantrum for not getting their way. Entitlement is, ironically, caused by low self-worth. Those who feel entitled get upset when they don’t receive the treatment they think they should; it is a huge blow to their ego. And such a fragile ego is a prime ingredient for depression. Instead of viewing the world as here to serve you, concentrate on how you are here to serve the world in whatever way feels right to you. This will boost your happiness and your success. Success is based not only on your profits but also on your purpose—applying your values and strengths, focusing on what is important to you. So, how do you define success? See what personal development expert Zig Ziglar says success is—and what it isn’t. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., is a wealth psychologist helping entrepreneurs get out of their own way so they can have the successful businesses they want. Her newest book Better than Perfect: 7 Strategies to Crush Your Inner Critic and Create a Life You Love is now available. How can you crush your inner critic? Learn more at www.ElizabethLombardo.com New Jersey was Ranked Among The Top 5 Happiest States In The Country And We’re Not Surprised6/21/2021 The happiest state in America, according to a recent study, is Hawaii. However, New Jersey isn’t far behind. In this same study (done by WalletHub), we ranked number four! Utah and Minnesota ranked second and third, respectively, with Maryland rounding out the top five. Are you surprised by these results? We’re certainly not! Read on for more info along with photos of some of the most beautiful places in New Jersey. We hope they make you smile! The study took into account 32 key metrics related to happiness including sleep rate, depression rate, unemployment rate, volunteer rate, divorce rate, and safety. These metrics were divided into three categories - emotional and physical well-being, work environment, and community. When it came to emotional and physical well-being, New Jersey came in at number one! Some of our greatest strengths are a low depression rate and a low divorce rate, when compared to the rest of the US. An area we could improve on is work environment. But overall, we're pretty cheerful. And, there's more to love. We're a top state for teachers and have excellent school systems. We're also consistently ranked among the wealthiest states, often taking the top spot. Another plus? We're among the most diverse states. We're not perfect and we're certainly not everyone's cup of tea. But this is New Jersey, and we're beautiful. Is New Jersey your cup of tea? Do you appreciate our beaches, mountains, museums, forests, farms, Pinelands, and pizza? Do you feel a little spoiled that we’ve got incredible day trip destinations like Cape May, Atlantic City, Ocean City, Lambertville, Princeton, and so many others? Are you proud to live in the Garden State?
This article first appeared on "Only in your state" and it was written by Kristen |
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